Why?

In the last year, it seems that heartache and suffering have been abundant.  Every time I turn around I'm getting an email about another person with cancer.  Instagram and Facebook are flooded with prayer requests.  All of this has left me wondering, "Why?"

Why did that have to happen to the sweetest person in the word?  Why did that baby not make it?  Why is that precious four year old with bouncing curls and a permanent smile facing radiation and chemotherapy?

While I'm steadfastly praying for those who have been afflicted, this one story on Instagram has my heart extremely heavy.  In the fall, I had my first close up experience with the death of a young, precious baby.  Not only was I pregnant with Parker, but Conner was supposed to be Parker's lifelong hunting buddy.  He was going to grow up beside my son.  He was going to be part of our extended family.  We were heartbroken.  While my grief left me shaken to the core, I know it came no where close to the grief of the parents and immediate family.  I cannot imagine.  I continue to be amazed by the strength and courage of Brian and Shannon.

Friday evening I was scrolling through Instagram when I stumbled upon a prayer request for a person I did not know.  My curiosity peaked; I had to find out more.  The healthy, young mother was having an ordinary labor.  At 8 cm the baby's heartbeat became faint.  She was rushed into the OR for a c-section.  Seven minutes later, Landon was born.  It took the medical team another 15 minutes to resuscitate his heart.  With the amount of time that lapsed, Landon lost all brain activity.  The doctors used the cooling protocol to try to heal his brain.  This didn't work; his heart and kidneys began to fail.  The parents took him off of life support.  Landon was expected to only live minutes if not seconds.  This baby lived 17 hours off of life support!  What a miracle!  His mother's writings about this time are beautiful.

With tears streaming down my face, I rushed to our room at the beach house to check on my baby sleeping peacefully in the crib.  I had to hold him.  I had to rock him.  I had to tell him how much I love him.  I had to tell him how lucky I am to be his momma.  And then the words escaped my mouth, "Why, God?  Why do you allow such heartbreak for Your children?  Why do you allow some babies to enter our lives so briefly?"  Why has been on the tip of my tongue way too much lately.  It is not my job to figure out the why.  It is my job to trust fully that no matter how difficult the circumstances may be, it is in His perfect plan.

Landon's mother sums it up perfectly when she writes, "It is not for a mother or father to determine the time our children spend on earth for that has been determined by their purpose.  Once they have fulfilled their purpose, they are blessed with eternal life."